For 2 consecutive weekends, I went overseas. The last last weekend I went to Malacca with my sister and had a fun time with her shopping and relaxing in the hotel. The last weekend I went to Kuantan with my sister’s company for some team building activities, sleeping tour on the bus (LOL!) and eat good seafood.

In these two trips, I thought a lot and finally came to realise that it’s not about the people. It’s about myself. I have been focussing on self so much, focussing on my own strength rather than God’s strength. I tend to blame my surroundings for whatever that happened and never take a look at myself.

Take projects for example. I have been focussing so much on myself, wanting to be the best, wanting to maintain my good grades, not realising that God is going it already. In Kuantan, I learnt something. The facilitator said “Be it in work or studies, all of us are actually doing well. But because of peer pressure, because of comparison, we tend to look at others doing faster and will tend to want to compete and end up doing things the wrong way.” I just nodded and agreed because that is exactly what happened in my last few weeks of the semester.

Another thing is I dont know why I missed my best friend, Cheryl so much. It’s like a sudden urge to text her and tell her I love her and miss her. I did. And im glad I did. But when I thought back, I felt I was so childish to like throw tantrums at her and ignored her for such a long period of time. Until my birthday, I know who is a friend that truly loves me, truly has been there for me. Someone who bothers to get a cake delivered to my house even though we didnt talk for almost a year.

Many things just flashed through my mind when Im overseas, when I stopped looking at the situations back home and reflected on whatever that happened.

HAPPY. A code that meant something. When I was overseas, I caught a revelation. Why do I want to enter into something that only hurts? I know the end result, but yet I just foolishly went ahead with certain plans. But only to find myself hurting. Not because of the end result but because I came to realise that I’m harming myself. I find myself being so retarded.

I really thank God for like removing my crush-prone attitude. I tend to have crushes very easily but ever since I asked for a strong guarded heart, I thank God i no longer have any desire to enter into any relationship. My heart may waver at times but it will still be standing strong. Whenever I tell my friends that I want to get attached only at 26, they will either think i’ll be too old or think that I’m crazy. But thats just me. Some think that I lost hope and think that I should just get rid of that bondage. Some think it’s funny and not realistic. But I know who my God is and I know He has his plans for me. I dont have to rush. He will bless me one at the right place right time and all I have to do now is feed on Him to be the best woman for my guy. :D

I also learnt to be happpy and do whatever I am happy and not for the sake of pleasing others. This is what I saw in my friend’s mail. “I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

I have also been working in the airport and I enjoyed it alot just that it gets quite tiring because I chose midnight shifts most of the time. During the shifts, I will think about things also. hahahaa. Rantings. I rant alot of my friends especially when I need someone to listen to me. I can rant about nonsense, about things that are insignificant and also troubles that I have. However, I realise that some may get irritated with the rants or whatever.

They just dont get me. I just need a listening ear. I dont need someone to look sian and seem not interested. I dont need someone to cut me off and ask me what’s my motive of saying something. I dont need someone to say “don care la”. I dont need someone to say “fuck that person then.” My listening ear went back to heaven and so I just need to rant to someone else. But i know i can never find  a replacement. Cherish your mum.